Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk

Thank You!

2011-06-16T16:28:00.020-04:00

We are in the process of wrapping up an incredible Overnight season and wanted to take a moment to thank our passionate and amazing community of walkers, crew members, volunteers, and supporters for all of your hard work and dedication this year. The 2011 Overnight has raised $2.5 million to date, making it our best yet, and we could never have done it without your help. The money you've raised will support AFSP’s research and education programs to prevent suicide, increase advocacy and assist survivors of suicide loss. You have now truly seen what a difference a night can make.

We hope you all found it to be an uplifting experience, and that you found strength and comfort in the bonds that were created during the walk and even in the months and weeks leading up to it. You can read a summary of this year's walk on the AFSP website HERE, and if you visit the PRESS section of The Overnight website, you will find various media coverage of the 2011 New York Overnight walk.

The 2012 walk will be held in SAN FRANCISCO on June 9th-10th, and registration is now open at www.TheOvernight.org. In the meantime, we encourage you to stay involved in the Out of the Darkness Community by joining us on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Flickr.

Thank you again for your dedication and support. We hope to seeyou next year in the City By The Bay.

2011 Overnight Cheering Stations

2011-05-17T12:08:00.002-04:00

Cheering stations are a great place for your family and friends to Join you for the Overnight Walk. We encourage you to tell your family and friends to come out and support your fellow walkers.

Let us know which cheering stations you plan to attend by visiting http://bit.ly/Overnightcheering

Cheering Station 1
Between Opening Ceremonies and Rest Stop 1
Brooklyn Heights Promenade - Mile 1.00
Peak Viewing Times: 7:30PM to 8:30PM

Cheering Station 1 is located at the main exit of the Brooklyn Heights Promenade on Columbia Heights between Orange Street and Cranberry Street. Street parking is available in the area, but is extremely limited. There is also a parking garage nearby located on Pierrepont Street.

Cheering Station 2
Between Rest Stop 1 and Quick Stop A
120 Wall Street - Mile 4.15
Peak Viewing Times: 8:30PM to 10:00PM

Cheering Station 2 is located at the plaza in front of 120 Wall Street, AFSP's headquarters, between Front Street and South Street. Street parking is available as well as numerous parking garages in the area.

Cheering Station 3
Between Rest Stop 2 and Quick Stop B
Pier 51 - Hudson River Park - Mile 7.72
Peak Viewing Times: 10:00PM - 11:30PM

Cheering Station 3 is located directly in front of Pier 51 on the Hudson River Greenway, in the Hudson River Park - on the West Side of Manhattan. The closest entry points that cross the West Side Highway are Horatio Street and West 12th Street. Street parking is limited, and there are numerous parking garages in the area; the closest garages are on Jane Street and Ganesvoort Street.

Cheering Station 4
Between Midnight Snack and Quick Stop C
Love Sculpture - Mile 11.60
Peak Viewing Times: 11:30PM - 2:00AM

Cheering Station 4 is located at the Love Sculpture in the plaza in front of the TD Bank at the intersection of 6th Avenue and 55th Street. There is metered parking and numerous parking garages in the area.

Cheering Station 5
Between Quick Stop C and Rest Stop 3
Worth Square - Mile 13.10
Peak Viewing Times: midnight - 3:00AM

Cheering Station 5 is located at Worth Square, a small plaza just west of Madison Square Park at the intersection of Broadway and W. 25th Street. There is metered street parking and numerous parking garages in the area.

Cheering Station 6
Between Rest Stop 3 and Closing Ceremonies
City Hall Park - Mile 15.40
Peak Viewing Times: 12:30AM - 4:30AM

Cheering Station 6 is located outside of City Hall Park, right near the base of the Brooklyn Bridge, at the intersection of Centre Street and Chambers Street. Street parking is extremely limited, but there are numerous parking garages in the area.

The Fundraising Success of Forever 19-PMD

2011-05-13T13:09:00.001-04:00

Congratulations to Ann Deluca and all the members of Forever 19-PMD on an incredible team effort!
We recently asked Ann to share the secret to her team's fundraising success, and we wanted to pass it along to our Overnight Community. Read how she did it below:
I started to earn money towards a working budget by selling individual candy bars and bags of nuts for $1.00 each in my break room at work and had other people selling candy in their break rooms. I printed out the Out of the darkness picture and attached it to a brown envelope to explain what the proceeds would go towards. I bought the candy at BJ's Or Costco. The profits for that went towards our working budget. A lot of candy was sold! Had a great team.
I asked a friend who teaches at a Vocational High School to make out the tickets for the event. That was a donation, great tickets.
The event was held at the K of C in Salem. The facility holds 300 people. They donated the hall to me if I held it on a Friday night. I had to have a police officer, he also donated his time. My DJ was a friend of my son, he also donated his time! We had put the information about the event in the newspapers and on a local TV station. WE had to notify all of them that the Event was sold out. I had a limit of 300 people and so many people thought they could get tickets at the door.
I made up a donation request letter (attended one of your fundraiser seminars) and explained my own story and what the event was about. I did use the 501C number when asking for product donations, but explained that I was organizing this event with all proceeds being donated to the AFSP.
I received a coffee maker and coffee from Keurig, 2 Air Tran tickets worth $1000.00, Full year membership to YMCA, Membership to Healthworks, Personal training to another Facility, Boston Bruins autographed jersey, hockey puck, diamond necklace, Celtics playoff tickets, just to name a few! These items were either donated by friends or thru my donation request letter. There were other companies who donated as well.
Then, we asked people to donate whatever we needed, using the donation request letter to explain things.
We made all of our centerpieces out of tissue paper (paper flowers) very cost effective! And bought the tablecloths etc. My sister and her husband catered the affair, their Company, Take Five Cookery in Hartford Ct. has donated the food as part of a donation. I will attach some photos! We had raves about the food, atmosphere and raffle items.
We had a silent auction, two tiers of raffle baskets (some of them were very expensive) and a regular raffle.
Back in March, I bought a Samsung 32 inch flat screen TV at Sears with the help of a friend's employee discount. We had an autographed basketball from Paul Pierce (yes, this is Boston's territory!!!) AND an overnight stay at the Bulfinch hotel with a gift card for the restaurant. Third prize was $200.00 cash. My team sold those raffle tickets prior to the event, so that was started before the night took place.
Our admission tickets were $15.00 each, kept the cost lower so that it appealed to all, and hoped people would spend money on the raffle/auction items. AT last minute I decided to rent a credit card machine from my local bank. There are fees involved but figured if items on silent auction were expensive, people might want to use their credit cards. When I met with the Merchant Services person, she asked me about the event. When I told her, she donated the machine ($75.00).
I received an award this year from The Salem News. It is called, North Shore 100, Local Leaders Making a Difference in our Future. Someone nominated me. The reporter who wrote the story about my walk last year (front page, Salem News) also wrote the story in this magazine that is purchased separately. He also wrote a small story in the Salem News about the Event. He has been very helpful in promoting my cause.
I had had surgery on my foot on February 14th and have had some setbacks with this and was not very mobile for awhile. But I had an incredible group of people who helped me over and over, and we did some things really well and some things need improvement. The Knights of Columbus banquet organizer has already offered the hall to me for next year!! She said, we would like to offer you a Saturday night next year. I still am trying to get checks in the bank and total everything, but we will be doing this again NEXT YEAR. I need to get ready for the walk..........
Just another quick note, I have been invited by a group of students at Salem High School to speak to them about organizing a fundraiser. They want the money to be donated to the AFSP. Going on Friday.
I believe we are very close to $18,000!
Talk to you soon.
Ann DeLuca
*If you'd like to share your team's story, please email coaches@theovernight.org*

Noelle's Story

2011-04-25T18:12:00.007-04:00

My sister April (left) & Me
Why am I walking? For myself and everyone who supported me.

March 17, 2009 started out like any other day. I went to work and to class. I had no idea of the drastic turn it would take.

For years I suffered from depression and struggled with eating disorders, self injury, and addiction.

As that day progressed, my storm clouds began to tumble in, and I saw myself going downhill. Instead of reaching out for help, I turned to drinking. After a confrontation with my boyfriend at the time, our relationship ended suddenly, and I made my mind up.

It was about 10 years earlier, when I was 16, that I made my first suicide attempt, but this time around I was certain I would succeed.

I had consumed numerous drinks, and came home to ingest over 100 sleeping pills. The night was beyond horrific, but somehow I survived. The next few days were a struggle. I continued to hallucinate for over 24 hours following the overdose. I was taken to the emergency room in the back of a police car, because I refused an ambulance at the time, due to cost and lack of insurance. Miraculously, I had done no damage to my liver or kidneys.

When my friends returned to my home to take care of my dog, the shambles that I had left it in were deplorable. Being the amazing friends that they were, they cleaned it up, simply explaining that they, “couldn’t let [me] come home to that.”

It was only a few days later when one of my best friends found out that a close friend of her’s had killed himself within a few days of my attempt.

As I watched her devastation, together we started the healing process. We had a chance to discuss in raw and open conversations what it is like to be on both ends of suicide. It has since become my mission to help people understand the place I was in, so that they can better understand the battle, and gain new hope for triumph.

I have often encountered people who had no capacity to fathom being in such a dark place, and I’ve had amazing opportunities to open discussion about what it is like. I think this is so important, because for me, depression was all I had ever known. I couldn’t understand them. They couldn’t understand me. But through talking, and listening, we had a chance to open that door.

In the past two years, my life has completely changed. I do recall the heartbreaking desperation I felt that night, but I’ve genuinely found an unyielding HOPE. If I can offer that to anyone else, I will. Making the decision to end your own life is such a frighteningly lonely place to be. Through the HOPE that I’ve gained, I’ve finally had an opportunity for my appreciation to grow for everyone who stood by me, and loved me, even when it was hard to helplessly witness my inner turmoil.

I know that so many people who haven’t been in the darkness, don’t know what to do for loved ones who are there right this moment. I feel like the gift of my survival can be a testimony of pulling through. I am so grateful to hear people’s stories, and understand how I have affected my loved ones, and how much worse things could have been. I am so inspired by everyone who strives forward despite being left behind after suicide. I can’t imagine what that position must feel like. I don’t want people to suffer this loss anymore, just as I don’t want people to have to face the darkness alone.

After my attempt, the pain of my experience was so fresh, that I was driven to ask for help when the feelings started to arise again. Making the decision to turn to my loved ones for help was just as scary as making the decision to end my life. Asking for help, however, has only contributed to my survival. My loved ones have stepped in to go to any lengths to help me. I didn’t even realize, despite all their efforts, that they really cared that much. I finally realize that my life isn’t an unwanted burden to others. My life is valuable beyond measure, and if I simply ask, someone will respond. If I could relay the message to those battling with suicide right now, that there is someone out there who is willing to do anything to keep them alive, and help them find SERENITY and JOY, I believe that information will save lives.

Over the past several months, I have had the chance to be a part of an amazing family who took me under their wing after losing their son/brother to suicide several years ago. They have inspired me so much, because they offered endless support and love through my struggle. They’ve really helped me understand the ongoing aftermath of suicide.

The strength of everyone who has survived this tragedy is infinitely inspiring to me. They have touched me in so many ways.

If I can offer that to anyone out there, right now, I feel it urgently necessary to do so.

Today, I’m not simply surviving day-to-day. I am beyond healing; I am whole. My life is filled with smiles, laughter, hugs, unconditional love, understanding, peace, and joy. All of these things are at my core. They surround me, and flow through me. If you had told me, at my darkest moments, that all of this was possible... I would have undoubtedly scoffed, and maybe even rolled my eyes.

Hold tight. It is so much more than possible, it is within you at this very moment. All you need is an opportunity to access it. I PROMISE you, there is HOPE.

I am walking to honor myself, and my journey through pain, to perseverance, and prosperity; and in memory of each person who has faced the darkness and lost the battle.

I’m sending all my love to those who stumble upon this note.
I hope to see you in NYC on June 4th and 5th, to journey into the light.

Thank you,
Noelle Aviña

"Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others." -Saint Augustine

Overnight Updates & Opportunities

2011-04-25T15:07:00.008-04:00

We're just under six weeks out from the big event and that means crunch time here at The Overnight Office. Our staff and volunteers have been hard at work to make the 2011 Overnight the best yet, but we wanted to take a moment to share some news and incredible upcoming opportunities with you:

Route Preview Day - You’re invited (your friends and family too) to join us this Saturday, April 30th, for Overnight Route Preview Day. This 5 or 10 mile training walk (your choice) will give you a first-hand glimpse of this year’s route in preparation for the New York Overnight Walk on June 4-5, 2011. Route Preview Day will begin and end at Cadman Plaza in Brooklyn, NY, the 2011 Overnight Opening and Closing Ceremonies location, at 8:00am. RSVP HERE
Keep an eye out later this week for a special announcement about on-event volunteer opportunities. In the meantime, if you're in the NYC area and looking to get involved in the weeks leading up to the walk, check out this week's volunteer newsletter for a glimpse of our latest opportunities to lend a helping hand.
Our refer-a-friend campaign has given many walkers a chance to get friends and family involved while earning a little credit to kick their fundraising into gear. From now until April 30th, earn a $50 Credit When You Refer A Friend to Walk. Refer a Friend here. Your referral will save $15 on registration fee and receive a $15 head start on fundraising. Use promo code: savelives

Still need to register to walk? You can register online at theovernight.org between now and April 30th and save $15 on your registration fee and receive a $15 head start on your fundraising. Use promo code: savelives
Looking for a great opportunity to meet other Walkers, exchange creative ideas, and develop your fundraising plan? Then join us for one of our upcoming Fundraising Workshops, led by an Overnight staff member in various locations throughout New York as well as over the phone via conference-call. Whether you are an experienced fundraiser who would like to share your ideas or a new Walker who has never fundraised before, these workshops are for you. We'll cover: setting up your fundraising page, designing your campaign, implementing a fundraising plan, organizing a fundraising event, creative fundraising strategies, final ideas, and finish with a Q & A session. RSVP for one today!
The Overnight Crew is just about full, but we still need some Specialty Support. If you or someone you know is qualified for one of the following teams and would like to participate in the Overnight, but is unable or not interested in walking and fundraising, please pass on this information:

Medical Crew: NY Licensed Medical Professionals are needed to support all of walkers at both stops along the route, and our Medical Tent at the Ceremonies Site.

Participant Support: Consists of: social work, support group facilitators, psychologists and psychiatrists. These Mental Health Professionals and those with support experience provide mental and emotional support for any walkers who need it.
Motorcycle Safety: Ride your own motorcycle and provide a safety presence throughout the walk, assisting with traffic when necessary and experiencing the Overnight in a unique and interesting way.

To register or for more information, please call 888-TheOvernight, or email our Crew Coordinator, Jonathan Horowitz, at jonathan.horowitz@theovernight.org.
We've had several Walkers taking advantage of our Hometown Press Release to have their stories published in their local news outlets. You can check out a few of our most recent submissions below. (For a full list of 2011 stories, please visit www.theovernight.org/press)

Montague resident to walk 18 miles to raise awareness for suicide prevention

Out of the Darkness draws awareness to suicide prevention

Belvidere sisters join fight against suicide

The Out of the Darkness Overnight
One of the activities of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is to offer educational programs and materials for professionals. Most recently, AFSP has updated their Media Recommendations for responsible reporting on suicide. You can also learn more by visiting www.reportingonsuicide.org.

Connect with the Overnight Community and continue the conversations by liking us on Facebook and following us on Twitter. Don't forget to share with friends and family, too!

Please feel free to call 888-TheOvernight (843-6837) or email coaches@theovernight.org with any questions or for additional information.

My Father’s Daughter

2011-04-22T13:09:00.008-04:00

Daddy & his girls, 1974

For the better part of the first two years after my Dad’s suicide on May 13, 1987, I firmly believed it was all a nightmare that I was going to wake up from. That I would find my Dad sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a cigarette in his hand, watching the 11:00 news.

I guess your mind only allows you to absorb such agony in small doses. I remember thinking “Is today the day I will wake up and this will be over?”

My Dad never wanted us to know he had Bi-polar disorder. He was too ashamed. He thought we wouldn’t love him if we knew. We were best friends, he and I, and I was always proud when someone said “Wow, Suzi is just like you Jim”. Little did I know then, how much like him I really was.

Around the age of 21, I began to show symptoms of Bi-Polar disorder. When I was diagnosed, I thought I had been given a death sentence. I was a third generation in a row with this illness and both my Dad and grandfather didn’t make it, so I was certain I wouldn’t live past the age of 25. But I did. I learned to take care of my illness and succeed in life despite it. I am almost 40 years old now ~ and I am still here.

I heard about “The Overnight” on the radio, and it really struck a chord with me. I want to help people come out of the darkness and ask for help. If my Dad had done that, he might be alive today. But I am also doing this walk for me. It affirms my life and it reinforces
the fact that I am a survivor, and that the legacy of suicide in my family will stop with me.

I had never done any type of fundraising before, but I shot out emails to friends, co-workers, former employees, etc. And I can not tell you how wonderful and supportive the response has been. In less than one month, I have raised $3,500.00. And I’m just getting started! I’m so overwhelmed by the love and generosity of people. It just blows me away.

Also, for the first time in 24 years, I know I am not alone. There are other people that understand that my Dad was a living, breathing, excellent human being who just could not find peace in his mind. This feeling of community is something I never expected to find~ but it is a huge bonus of participating in an event like this.

I know suicide will not be the manner in which my life ends. I have a long happy life ahead of me. I can help others and share my life lessons with those in pain. I am loved and I have loved. And now, I can say with pride, not fear ~ I AM my Father’s daughter.

Susan Trumbauer Brocato
Proud Daughter of James R. Trumbauer, Jr.

Special Offer - Register to Save Lives Today

2011-04-04T11:49:00.003-04:00

Are you registered for this year's Out of the Darkness Overnight? If so, remember we have our refer-a-friend program underway. Take advantage of this today. Receive a fundraising credit just by inviting and having a friend or family to walk you. Send them this Call2Action Spark video today. Watch the video above and then click share.

Don't forget! Tell friends and family to use promotion code "savelives" in the final steps of the registration process - they'll get a $15 discount on registration and a $15 fundraising credit!

My name is Cam Nelson and this is why I am walking 18 miles for suicide prevention.

2011-04-01T12:10:00.006-04:00

On July 15th, 2010 my brother made a tragic decision to end his own life, after 24 hours on life support on July 16th, 2010, I lost my only brother. He was not only an amazing father, husband, brother, son, friend, and mentor, he was a firefighter. He was always there to lend a helping hand. He would do anything for his friends and family, even for strangers. He fought long and hard to secure his position within the Phoenix Fire Department and he loved his job. He started his own company providing emergency medical services for concerts and events. He was a good father to his boys and step-daughter. He was a loving husband to his wife. He made my parents proud in all his accomplishments and dedication to the work he loved. He wasn't just my brother, he was one of my best friends. We didn't have the normal sibling rivalry, we had complete support for one another. I could tell him anything and knew he wouldn't judge me. This road has been a very difficult one for me to travel. I felt myself slipping into the depression that not only he suffered, but that has been cast upon my family on more than one occasion. Luckily, with the support of my family and friends and the clarity of my mind, I am doing much better today. There isn't a day that I don't think of him, there isn't a day where my eyes don't swell up with tears, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him with all my heart. I don't think time is going to completely heal the wounds I have, what has happened to me has become a part of who I am today. However, I do believe that time will help me better understand and manage the grief I have. I have 31 years of some of my happiest memories with him, and no one can take that away.

I am participating in this walk with my best friend Jenny and we hope to be joined by my brother's wife Jamie. Jamie has continued to run my brother's company, EMS Providers, which may make it difficult for her to attend with us. Just one month after his death, Jenny and I went back to college to obtain our EMT certification to be a part of his company also. We hope to carry it on and make it everything he wanted it to be. I am excited to make this trip from coast to coast. I have never been to New York, neither had my brother. I know he wanted to visit sometime to pay respect to those first responders who lost their lives in 9/11. What most do not realize is the stresses these men and women deal with on a daily basis, on and off the job. It takes a strong person to run into the face of danger while others flee. They see things that others can't imagine seeing. And not all deaths happen in the line of duty. Unfortunately, suicide in the fire department has been more common here in Phoenix lately. Four firemen have taken their lives in a span of 7 months, my brother being the most recent. We will walk in memory all of them.

I decided to participate in The Overnight, because I think it will be helpful for me to continue on this challenging road by being surrounded by others who have not only been there before, but are currently traveling the same road I am. You never truly know the devastation suicide causes until it happens to you. I hope the money we raise for the walk will prevent someone from casting this grief upon their family and friends. I hope the money we raise will help a family, like mine, receive the support they need to stop suffering and become survivors. I hope by participating in this walk, that I might be able to simply make a difference. If you want to make a difference, join us at http://www.theovernight.org/

In memory of my brother Corey Nelson #788

-Cam Nelson

Team Baby Bull & Fallen Firefighters

Team Horizon: Sunset to Sunrise

2011-03-29T15:15:00.005-04:00

In 1987, my first job out of school was in a pilot program in the Bronx. I was an in-home family crisis intervention counselor. We worked with families to keep kids in the home. Our referrals came from Child Protective Services (kids going to foster care), Family Court-PINS diversion (these were teenagers, Person in Need of Supervision, on their way to group homes) and juvenile probation (on their way to prison). We had no cell phones, no Blackberries, no email or texting, no computers- but we did have beepers. Families also had our home phone numbers and could call us 24-7. And they did.

One of the cases I remember vividly was a teenager who lived with his mother. He called me one night to say that he was going to kill his mother with a meat cleaver and then kill himself. As you can imagine, I was scared. I could only call my boss for help if I hung up the phone. And I did, telling the kid I would call him right back. My boss agreed to call 911 while I stayed on the phone with him. While I was on the phone with him, the police and EMS came and took him to the hospital. The next day, he called me and said his doctor from the hospital told him to call me. I asked if he was in the ER or a room. He said he was home. I asked him if he told the doctor everything he had told me the night before. He said no. (This is where to this day, my policy is always go to the hospital with people in this situation.) This went on again all day. He was still saying he was going to kill himself and his mother. This time, I went with a coworker to the home, calling 911 ahead of time and accompanying them to the apartment. The mother showed the police officer the cleaver, right in the dish drainer. This time, when they asked the teen what was going on, I was there to make sure he told the truth. When I was questioned by EMS and the police as to what happened, I began to cry.

Twenty four years later, I no longer cry during these situations, but they are still intense. I do not want anyone to be successful in an attempt- I don't even want it to get as far as an attempt. This is critical to me, my number one priority- to preserve life. To do so, I have gone as far as to have a person tracked via his cellular telephone where officers could find him, and they did. I have had conversations with people about their situations, and felt myself slither into dark places with them, realizing the depth of their despair. The difference is that I climbed out of that place easily and quickly, while the suffering person did not. And the work then, is to help that person see other options which they can pursue, to learn to get through the immeasurable anguish. It can be tough, however, I am committed within it.

A couple of years ago, a colleague who worked in Washington, DC killed herself. And she also had a mental health educational and work background, committed to helping people. Who would have ever thought

I am also ever mindful of the issue of suicide for law enforcement officers. Statistics show that the suicide rate in 2010 for police officers remained at 17/100,000, compared to the general population's rate of 11/100,000. Law enforcement officers must step in where no one else will go. The deeply disturbing situations in which officers become involved are sometimes the very cause of their demise. Officers need the support of their colleagues, families, friends, and the public, which they may not receive. It is an issue I wish people to become more aware of, overall.

During this last year or two, I have become stricken with grief hearing stories about kids who have killed themselves as a result of being bullied, especially cyber bullying. With one stroke of a key, a kid becomes embarrassed, a profound sense of shame, when not one or a few or even a class, but hundreds or more see something on the web about them. That could be any of our kids. Those kids see no way out and the parents are devastated beyond words.

About two months ago, on the radio, I heard about the walk, an 18-mile overnight walk in New York City on June 4, 2011 to raise awareness and to raise money for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. It got my attention immediately, resonating on a breathtaking level. I decided to do this, and will be privileged to have my son walk with me. My reasons are varied. I want to raise awareness so that people can think of the unthinkable because the possible outcome can be so tragic- for their kids and others in our community. I want an organization like AFSP to receive the support that it needs to continue its important work, to walk where others will not go. I want my son to meet people- parents, who love their children and who have lost them, so that he can truly understand the depth of that love. And, I want to be involved with suicide education and prevention in a different way, casting a larger net. I don't doubt for a second that this experience will be anything but absolutely transformational.

- Nella
Team Horizon

Michelle's Story

2011-03-28T11:58:00.000-04:00

My mother was the most amazingly influential woman in my life. Her influence created a path for me to become the woman I am today and whether in life, or in death, she means the world to me. My mom was a strong and determined woman who fell victim to darkness, and what I have always called a "cancer of her soul." She suffered from Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Our entire lives were infected by these mental illnesses and in 2004, my life was altered forever when my mother succumbed to the hollow depths of despair and took her own life.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her, miss her, love her, or desperately wish she were still in my life. And, there are still moments where I feel anger, loss, sadness and disbelief, but each day is one more step I take in triumphing over this tragedy. My mother's life taught me determination. She gave me guts and showed me strength. She showed me how to be an independent woman who could succeed at anything. When I think
about her, I choose to keep my focus on what she gave me in life, not the pain that her death brought me. After her death I traveled the world, conquered fears and goals I never believed I could, began running half marathons, and kept my focus onward and upward. I carry her with me in every accomplishment, and will will do so again when I embark on the 18 mile
Overnight journey through the streets of New York, where she was born, in June of 1956. I will walk because I carry her strength and determination inside me. I will walk to show others that we can triumph over tragedy. I will walk to erase the moments of shame or embarrassment I once felt in telling anyone my mother suicided. I will walk in defiance of keeping mental illness a secret. I will walk to squash the stigma of suicide and mental illness and of asking for help. I will walk to celebrate the life of the most amazing woman I know, and to show the world that my love for her knows no limits, knows no shame and extends to all those who have lost loved ones. I will walk because, hopefully, I can help another survivor see the light of day coming on the horizon. I will walk to honor my mother, Theresa Parrella.

- Michelle Parrella

2011 Overnight Walkers in the News

2011-02-22T17:00:00.004-05:00

Amanda Pool's story on The Lunenburg Ledger.

(You can also follow Amanda's journey on her blog, Fighting for Life, and her Facebook Page, Life Is A Highway.)

Chloe Malfitano's press clip on Manhattan Style.

Molly Sumner's story on nj.com

Elizabeth Blake - Team Nothing Else Matters

2011-02-22T16:15:00.000-05:00

In 2005 I lost a very close friend to suicide. He was only 18 years old and I was in my first year of college. His death nearly destroyed my friends and I as we struggled to make sense of it all. Five years later, after moving to Boston, I heard about The Overnight walk of June 2010 in Boston. I immediately signed up but was worried I wouldn't make the $1,000 minimum. Only 4 months later I had reached $2,047, doubling my original goal. I had signed up as a solo walker but was placed on a team and met some wonderful people who live near me. My family traveled from New York to root me on and I walked through places in my new city that I had never been to before. Because of my endeavors I became closer with my friend's family and encouraged them in their healing. That fall they got a team together for a community walk, and on the anniversary of his death, at the beginning of this month, we had a Celebration of Life get together a local bar back home. Now I am a team captain and I have a team of friends prepared to walk in New York City this year. I am also on the board of members for the Boston chapter of the AFSP and the co-chair of the Walk Committee for a community walk in Boston. I am also about to go through training for grief support.

To sum this all up, I took one step towards healing by registering for The Overnight 2010 and here I am, many steps later, feeling better than I have since February 3rd, 2005, the day the world lost Louie Grieco.

- Elizabeth Blake

Team Nothing Else Matters

Chuck's Story

2011-02-22T16:09:00.001-05:00

In the fall of 2007 I received a phone call from my youngest daughter Wendi. Wendi told me that she had suffered a relapse with a long existing Eating Disorder & had admitted herself into a program. She asked if I would want to come to a family Group Counseling one night with her. Although I live 250 miles away I readily agreed.

Several years before Wendi had been diagnosed with Bulimia & I had attended family Counseling with her at that time as well. When I was first told of Wendi having an Eating Disorder I wanted to learn as much as I possibly could. Very quickly I learned that many who are diagnosed with an Eating Disorder also suffer from Depression, Anxiety, & a host of other Mental Health issues. At the very first meeting I told Wendi that this was not just her problem, but it was our problem, & that I would be there for her. We were going to fight this together.

For several days after I talked to Wendi on the phone, & leading up to my visit with her at the Eating Disorder Clinic, I kept having the most horrific premonition that a father could ever have. The thought kept coming to me that someday I was going to receive a phone call that this disease had somehow taken her life. Needless to say there were a lot of tears that were shed on that 250 mile drive.

During the group session that night each person had a chance to speak. I told Wendi how much I loved her, reminded her that it was not just her problem but it was ours as well & that I would always be there for her. I then told her about my premonition, which was very difficult to do. The counselor asked Wendi, how this made her feel knowing that her Dad felt the way that he did. Wendi stated, "I know my Dad cares for me & will always be there for me. It hurts me to see him hurt, but I'm not going to do anything to myself." Wendi's words that night were comforting but I still could not get rid of that premonition.

On April 29, 2010, at 8:35 pm, as I was preparing for work I received a phone call from my Son-in-Law, Bob, who is married to my oldest daughter Amanda. Bob stated, "Chuck, I have some bad news. I am following an ambulance that has Wendi in it to the hospital." Bob continued by stating, "Wendi had texted her best friend to call 911, because she did not want her Mom to come home & find her."

Wendi's friend had immediately called 911. When Paramedics arrived they found Wendi hanging. Wendi was in full cardiac arrest. By the time that the ambulance arrived at the hospital they did have a pulse restored. Tested showed that her heart was functioning at 14%, & an EEG showed minimal brain activity & that was from the stem. Wendi was placed on life support. Drs. told us that if there was any hope that it would occur within the first 48 - 72 hours, after that the chances of survival would be minimal. After 3 weeks Wendi's condition remained basically the same.

Wendi was in a coma/vegetative state for 3 1/2 months & passed away on August 17, 2010. Wendi was 27 years old when she died. My premonition, was now a reality!

I knew from the beginning that I had a choice. I could withdraw myself from the outside world & drown myself in my own sorrow, or I could find a way to honor Wendi & make something positive out of this nightmare. I have chosen the latter.

I first heard about the Overnight Walk when I attended the Annual SOS Day Webcast in Paducah, Ky, hosted by Zackshope. I knew that day that this was something that I had to do to honor Wendi. I know that as we walk that night that Wendi will be looking down on her team, "Warrior's for Wendi", & know that we are still fighting the cause for her & others, & we know that she will be with us in spirit.

Chuck Roper

Warrior's for Wendi

A Celebration of the Life of Michael de Sosa

2010-06-22T14:41:00.000-04:00

My Story Begins with Kati

2010-06-16T10:58:00.001-04:00

My story begins with Kati. It’s her story, really. A sad tale of her beloved brother taking his own life when they were in high school. Kati and I have been friends for some time now. I am the babysitter of her 2 adorable and loving children. Thru my daycare, we have formed a bond. As the years passed, our bond blossomed into a friendship to rival any two best friends. Thru our friendship, she has been able to share with me, little by little, how her brother’s suicide has affected her over the past 21 years, and how difficult it still is to confront. On an evening, this past fall, she told me about the AFSP Overnight walk and how badly she wanted to participate in it. But going it alone was a little bit overwhelming. As the Thelma to her Louise (actually, I don’t know which of us is which character – oddly enough neither of us has seen that movie), I cheerfully announced that I would walk with her! I had been looking for a chance to get involved in anything to raise awareness for anything worthwhile. I could relate in some ways to her pain…

I had a friend. A very dear friend, whose friendship was an easy one. He was a part of a group of people that I held very close to me at one time. We’ve drifted apart over the years, as friends sometimes do, but we are all united by this one person and his tragic passing. He was in my wedding in 2002. And three months after, he was dead from a gunshot wound to his head. This made no sense to anyone who knew him. He was Mr. Gun Safety! Raised around rifles his whole life, he knew what precautions to take when cleaning them. Was it an accident? Was it intentional? No one will ever know. We were all left with so many unanswered questions. Sadness, fear, anxiety… I could easily imagine how the loss of one’s own flesh and blood would tear you apart. My friend felt like my brother. He still does. I miss him. Every day. I am lucky in that I can visit his grave whenever I need to. Sometimes to talk. Sometimes to sit and think. Sometimes to just enjoy the quiet with my dear friend.

He was smart, funny, sensitive, and a real S-O-B when he wanted to be. But my favorite quality of his was his honesty. Brutal at times, but always appreciated. Sometimes I find harsh truths when I sit by his graveside. Sometimes he’s the only one I can trust my secrets to. I think it would make him happy to know he is still my confidant. I know it brings me comfort. We shared the same lucky number, 23. His high school football number and my birth date. There was no him without 23. And no longer a 23 without him. Same with our unlucky number, 11. Determined unlucky by him during one of our many games of cards and it stuck. That 11 gets me all the time! Most recently, 11 weeks ago.

My husband and I had been together for 11 years when I decided it was time for us to go our separate ways. Like 11 years to the date, oddly enough. As I said, 11 weeks ago things changed for me. My depression was at an all-time low, and our rocky marriage had me on the verge of a divorce for a while. I finally broke down. I was watching a movie, alone; with a very moving performance by Anne Hathaway dealing with her sister’s wedding and being fresh out of rehab. Her struggles with self-worth and her desire to make amends and participate in her family event were sore spots for me. I cried a lot while watching her go thru this horrendous wedding weekend. The crying would last for 2 more days.

I had enough. I was tired. So tired from my marriage issues. From carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders (so it seemed). Tired from not being able to sleep at night. Tired of fighting for my own self worth. I had a bottle of sleeping pills in my drawer that I didn’t use. They made me nauseous, so I stuck with over-the-counter stuff that worked. But I never threw away the prescription ones. What if I took 10? THEN I would sleep. No more being tired! Simple enough, right? Perhaps too simple. I wasn’t thinking about my children or my family or my friends. Or what would really happen if I took those 10 pills. The sleep would be permanent. But thru my tears and misery, I wasn’t thinking about that part of it.

I texted Kati. If anyone could help me snap out of a funk, SHE could! But even she couldn’t this time. I was lower than I had ever been before. But because of her involvement with AFSP and her experiences with her brother, she knew it was time to ask some tough questions. She’s such a great friend because she didn’t lay lip service on me or try to pump me full of sunshine. She simply asked “Sweetheart, are you thinking of hurting yourself?” Well, no, I didn’t want to hurt myself! I want the hurt to stop. I want to sleep. I want to escape the pain once and for all. Here, I was past the point of ideation of suicide and hadn’t even realized it. Now I was scared. And so very ashamed. But she never backed down and I eventually called the suicide crisis line. Thankfully. My own therapist wouldn’t return my call for 2 days. It was the weekend and he was out of town.

It was a long rough weekend. The crying never stopped. Just looking at the sweet faces of my 3 children made me start sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t get out of bed except to use the bathroom. The sweet lady on the crisis line recommended that I go to the hospital to get evaluated. My family doctor insisted that I go get evaluated. But what would happen? Would I find myself in a straight jacket? ...in a padded cell? ...drugged past the point of knowing who I am? I was so scared! Kati kept encouraging me. She never faltered. I have another very dear friend, I call her Lil Sis. She and my brother were together for far too long before they broke off their engagement for me to walk away from our relationship. Well, Lil Sis works in the ER. I texted her and in a panic, she called me right away. We both cried a little. She told me what to expect, which was nothing like I imagined. Whew! And by the 3rd day of this breakdown I was in the hospital waiting for my evaluation. Now, it took 2 Xanax and a lot of cigarettes to get me there, and while in the waiting room I sat with my husband and just cried for Lil Sis, till she came out from the back. Then we sobbed together for a while. This was so hard to do!! I finally felt ok enough to go on and see what the evaluation was to bring me.

Food with no silverware. A room with but a bed. A bathroom with no sharp edges anywhere. And then, an ambulance ride to Philhaven Behavioral Health Organization in the middle of the night. Monday night. I was committing myself until I felt safe enough to be back in my home. By the end of the day Tuesday, I was feeling much better. By Wednesday, I was smiling and laughing with the other patients, feeling so lucky to be in this wonderful hospital! I was safe. There was no pressure. It felt like what a kindergarten summer camp would be. My fellow patients were so inspiring and supportive! It was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my life. By Wednesday night, the aides were kidding me that I filled my smile quotient for the day and had to stop. Thursday morning I was released. I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to hide away from my problems. I had a family counseling session before my discharge. I was a nervous wreck, but promises were made and bargains struck and out the door I was sent.

The very first thing I did was go visit my 23. I had to tell him I understood why he left. In the event it was intentional, I now understood just how low he must have felt. And how hard it would have been to reach out to a friend. The embarrassment. The shame. The guilt. Oh, how I wished he had known about the crisis number. Being able to talk to someone without judgments on your thoughts and/or actions is extremely freeing. And very helpful. If only he knew!!

How many other people suffer in silence and then take their own lives because they just can’t reach out to a loved one, for fear of the shame? Or because they just don’t know how to reach out? Or who to reach out to? I had a renewed sense of purpose to do the walk with Kati. My own story, my own desire for people to know they can reach out and get help, because they know where to turn.

Now, my marriage lasted but another month after my stay in Philhaven. I realized that it wasn’t healthy anymore, and my husband agreed we needed to go our separate ways. Since then, I have been growing stronger and stronger with each passing day. Not that I don’t have my low points, but overall I am moving forward and it feels so good! I am so thankful to so many people for supporting me, but mostly to my Kati for knowing where to send me for help. She is my angel right here on earth. And I am so honored to walk hand in hand with my angel and her friend Cathy as the Mamma Mias as we take this amazing journey of 18 miles in the dark together, to raise awareness and help prevent suicide. If our efforts reach just one person, then so be it. Kati’s efforts have already reached me. But with your help, we hope to reach many, many more.

The walk is June 26, and my fundraising goal is $1123.

xo
Amy

Special Message from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

2010-06-16T10:42:00.000-04:00

Click HERE to view a special message from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Deborah's Story

2010-06-04T12:57:00.000-04:00

When my husband and I decided to participate in the Overnight Walk together, I was really glad to have a partner to support me through a long night that will surely be emotional and draining. However, I was nervous about the fundraising. Since we were doing this together, that meant we were asking the same pool of people to contribute to both of our fundraising accounts and I wondered if we would be able to reach the $2000 goal together. First, I spent a lot of time on the email we sent out to our friends and family as well as the information I posted on the donor page. I made sure to start off with the story of how suicide has affected us personally—my best friend was lost to me a year and a half ago after a long battle with bipolar disorder, and my cousin Jim was lost nearly 15 years ago. Some friends told me that my story really moved them and I was glad that the time I spent on the writing helped motivate people to donate. Next, I decided to cast our net very wide. I was nervous because I didn’t want to ask people I didn’t know very well to support the cause, but at the same time, by expanding the reach, we accomplished two goals—we were able to raise more money and we helped raise awareness, which is one of the main reasons why we are doing this walk. We sent our email out to friends, family members, neighbors, co-workers, bosses, and a long list of friends and family members of Kari and Jim. I also posted the information on Facebook. We have been pleasantly surprised by how many people contributed—even people I thought would not be able to donate contributed what they could. Finally, I asked all my friends to forward the email to friends of theirs who may have been touched by this issue and we have received donations from people we didn’t even know.

Once we got donations, I made sure to send a personal thank you to everyone within 24 hours of receiving the donation. I think people are glad to know how much I value their contribution. Surprisingly, these donors have turned around and thanked US, saying they are glad that someone is undertaking such an endeavor. And about half the people who donated told us they have been affected by suicide as well. This made me realize that sending it out to people who were virtual strangers to me was an important step because we never know how many people have experienced suicide personally and would be willing to contribute to an organization dedicated to prevention. We are finding community in this terrible phenomenon. The mere idea of this walk has been inspiring to us and to our friends and family already. We look forward to the night when we all walk together through the streets of Boston, honoring those who cannot walk with us.

- Deborah Bennet
Team Tante Kari

Jackie's Story

2010-05-21T14:36:00.000-04:00

I had a 3 week old baby girl when my brother passed away…. a niece he never met, but oddly enough, the date of her birth marks the last time we spoke. Every time I walk thru the street where I was parked when I received his call, I inevitably think of him. Every time she has a birthday, I remember that´s the amount of years he has been gone. This experience has taken a toll on me, which can´t be measured, it can´t be explained in words… the deepest scar on my soul. So many things left unsaid, undone… such pain for the absence and for all that which could have been, but never will be. This is the brutality of suicide, on all those of us who survive it.

At first I remained stoic…after all, I had 2 young children who depended on me 24/7… after all, my grief couldn´t possibly compare to that of my parents so I had to be strong for them as well…. right? RIGHT???!! Yes, I cried, mostly in private, at night…. Until 3 months later when a former coworker committed suicide and then all hell broke loose inside of me. Suddenly I could no longer contain the emotional tidal waves that had been brewing inside of me and I just let go. Suicide had never really been an option for me, but suddenly my brother had opened this whole new world of macabre possibilities…. I never actually tried, but God knows the thought crossed my mind too many times.

From the early days of my grief, I understood that this ¨beast¨ had the potential of devouring me… my gut urged me to find reinforcements, if I was ever to tame it. Americans speak of suicide being a taboo, and I don´t doubt it is … but if you want a dip into the dark ages, come on down to sunny Costa Rica! There was nothing, absolutely no resources for survivors of suicide… I know because I looked under the rocks. My lifeline back then was a U.S.-based website (www.survivorsofsuicide.com ) that, among other things, included a priceless forum where I could contact others in my situation. Looking back on those days, I was too overwhelmed to find the universe of online resources available to survivors… thank God I managed to at least find that one. Aside from this virtual aid, I also started my own personal therapy.

Today, almost 40 months into this journey, I can say it doesn´t get easier, it just becomes familiar. You learn to live with the terrible images that assault you occasionally… you learn to live with the absence and the unfulfilled possibilities… you learn to cope with people´s cruel remarks… you forgive yourself and your loved one. You learn, you learn, you learn…. You live, you learn…isn´t that how the song goes?

I am now at a point where I not only actively work on my healing, I want to help others heal as well. This is why, two months ago, I materialized the thoughts that had been running thru my mind for months. On the same night, I booked a trip to Orlando, to attend the ¨AAS/AFSP 22nd Annual Healing after Suicide Conference¨ and AFSP´s ¨Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk¨, in Boston. I also teamed up with a fellow survivor friend, to create a website to serve the Spanish-speaking survivor community.

This website project is geared for Costa Rica, but since it´s online it will be useful to people around the world, who speak Spanish. At this point, my friend has moved away so I´m left at it alone, but very much motivated to make it happen. The idea is to provide survivors with important information and most important, an online forum where they can share with fellow survivors. Eventually, it´d be wonderful to move from online to live groups as well…but only time will tell. I plan to launch the website on November 20th, National Survivors of Suicide Day. That day, as part of the activities, we´ll hopefully be able to be a host site, for a world-wide broadcast, organized by AFSP.

Attending the Conference in Orlando was a wonderful experience. On one hand I had a vast amount of information and networking possibilities for our website-building efforts. On the other hand, were the people…the amazing people I met. Oddly enough, we never exchanged contact info, but I shared very intimate moments with absolute strangers. You know what though? That´s the whole point of attending an event like this. We survivors, we are bonded for life… there´s an energy between us that´s thick and undescribable. We were granted a lifelong entry to a club…we didn´t ask for membership but we belong. For all those who have sat among survivors, you´ll understand when I say, that there is an inmense healing power in a Survivor support group….it´s like emotionally coming home you know? A place where you don´t have to try explaining, because everybody knows where it hurts and just how much it hurts.

As far as the Overnight Walk goes, I was very nervous about raising the $1000 required to participate. I sent out an email to the 300 contacts I had on my email and Facebook lists…. and the process has been an absolute surprise! Exactly like when my brother died, some of the people I expected total support from, have not even bothered to email me back… and people I never thought would even acknowledge my message, have donated and generously. It has been such a rewarding experience and I´m happy to say that as of today I have almost doubled my goal! I´ve also learned, because of my donors´ emails, that a lot of them have battled with mental disorders or have lost someone to suicide and had chosen to keep it quiet.

The Overnight has also provided me with a new network of survivors….my fellow team members… one of which I´ve already had the opportunity to meet, in Orlando, during the Healing Conference. These are awesome people…we´ve connected thru email and Facebook and I already feel like I´m a part of something special, despite not even being in the same country as they are.

My only concern now, is being able to walk the whole way, since I really haven´t trained much. I don´t doubt I´ll make it…the question is if my legs will respond once I cross the finish line!! My fellow team-members, many of who have walked it before, have assured me it´s such a powerful experience, that the adrenaline gets you half way there…. I´m counting on that!!! We´re a month away and I can´t wait for that one special night when I´ll walk beside my brother, to help raise awareness and bring this reality, out of the darkness. See you there!

Your friend,

Jackie Secades

(Heredia, Costa Rica)

Chris's Story

2010-05-20T11:16:00.000-04:00

I have read the other stories of survival, and was moved by each one. I felt inspired by them to share my own. I don't know what it is with Nevada, but we seem to lead the nation in suicides each year. My story is a testament to that harsh reality. Fifteen years ago, when I was 19, the first friend I lost, Burke, was due to suicide. Burke, and another friend of his Josh, both shot themselves. Then, at 21 my friend Shawn shot himself the night before Thanksgiving. Shawn's death hurt me deeply. Shawn was three years older than me and from my neighborhood, and became to me like an older brother. I've never stopped thinking of those two everyday since, and there's not a Beastie Boy's song I can hear that doesn't instantly trigger a Shawn memory. Well, years past and their memory has always remained, I just didn't know events and organizations like this existed until recently. On June 23rd 2006, my father, Harry Reynold's, took his life at 49 years old with alcohol and pills. Needless to say, this shook my foundation. My dad was a very loving, caring guy that had great compassion for the world's underdog's. He had one of the hardest childhood's of anyone I've ever known, and for him to have such love and compassion for others, and to create the success for himself that he did, was a great inspiration for me. Because I wanted to honor his memory in the same sort of way I started looking for something to volunteer myself to. I just couldn't seem to find the right fit, nothing ever really hit me until March 25th 2009. On March 23rd, my younger brother Jeff, not related to Harry, at 27 took his life also. He to shot himself. The reason I say the 25th of March was my day of inspiration is because that was the day of Jeff's viewing. I'd been looking so long for something to get involved in but suicide prevention never came to me until that day. I left the viewing, got into my car, and just said out loud, "This has to stop." And that's when it came. I got an intense warmth that started in my heart and just dispersed all through my body, and my mind said "suicide prevention" loud and clear. I honestly couldn't believe what had just happened. It was that easy, yet it took so much for me to get there. Since then, this is what I fight for. That May, with help from some of Jeff's friends, we put together a small little rock show, took a cover charge, sold some shirts, and raised $3,200 that we donated to our local Crisis Call Center, and local Walk In Memory that is held annually here in Reno. Through my efforts to get involved in prevention I found this Overnight Walk. This will be my first year walking. I started Team Jeff Rand/Harry Reynolds. I will be walking with two of my other younger brothers Eric and Joseph. We have raised our goal already and I am so looking forward to this experience with them. I can't wait to be a part of this and to be with so many other survivors from all over the country. I've already met such great and inspirational people locally. I will miss my friends and family deeply forever and will never quit loving them. I do this in their honor. Through the darkness their light shines. I know you now. I fight for you now. I suffer for you now. I live for you now.

-Chris Rand-Reynolds

Thomas's Story

2010-05-17T10:41:00.000-04:00

This message was sent to us by, Thomas, a young man who lost his friend Bailey to suicide in 2008. Thomas found out about The Overnight from Bailey's mother, who walked in the Chicago Overnight and will be returning this year in Boston.

"Hey it Thomas i survivor from my friend Bailey who killed herself and i had written this story about it and i thought i share it with you guys.

My Worst Nightmare started November 17, 2008. I woke up and went to school. When I arrived to school the vice principal was standing outside greeting some of the kids. I wondered, what happened so I went into the school to go to homeroom. I then sat down and looked around and I didn’t see my best friend. So I wondered where she was. So I went to class and went through the day. Then the period before lunch I was in art therapy. That is when the school’s psychiatrist came to my class. Then he asked to talk to me. So I went into his office and he sat me down and asked how I was. Then he said I have some bad news. Your good friend killed herself last night she shot herself in the head. I also struggle with depression so the psychiatrist had said I called your dad and you are going home with him But that is when I refused and went on with the day. All I remember after that was suffering and feeling really hopeless until I heard about the overnight walk by my friend’s mom and then I was relieved because I heard about an organization that was actually fighting for people like me and my friend and we were not being looked down upon. Unfortunately, because of health and issues with my own depression I won’t be walking this year but I encourage anyone who lost a loved one to suicide that can walk it does or at least volunteer because you feel like you’re not alone. You find a huge group of people that share something in common with everyone and you feel important and find a cause to live for if you struggle yourself with depression."

More Overnight Walkers in the News

2010-05-13T17:13:00.000-04:00

As we move closer to the date of the Boston Overnight, many more walkers are using the Hometown Press Release to have share their stories.

Kimberly Paquette's story: Local woman participates in walk in memory of friend who committed suicide

Arthur Fryar's story: Scituate residents walking for suicide prevention

Meghan Baer's story: Swampscott resident to walk 18 miles for suicide prevention

Jon Fadzen's & Lisa Taylor's story: Boston odyssey to honor memory of Wexford man

RoseMary Fuss's story: Wellesley woman creates "Hope Tree" to honor son's memory

Danielle Williamson's story: Walking a mile (or 6) in her shoes

Candice Cunha's story: Billerica residents want to raise awareness of suicide

Kati's Story

2010-05-10T10:05:00.000-04:00

My brother Michael died by suicide 21 years ago, when he was 16 and I was 18. So why didn't I know about AFSP until just last year?

It's been a long road for me, and there are still times when I feel I haven't worked through my grief. Of course, it will always be a part of who I am now, but I am finally beginning to get unstuck. A big part of my recent progress is participating in the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk in Boston this June.

In November I watched (program), webcast on the AFSP website. Listening to others describe their experiences and grief, I realized that I wanted to be able to speak about my loss too, but in a different way. For 21 years it has mostly been in a detached manner. I wanted to be able to talk about it with feeling, with honesty, with heart, and not feel like I was stumbling over words. These five people could do it, and so I thought maybe one day I could too.

After the webcast I participated in the online chat. I felt mildly uncomfortable putting myself out there; after all, these were complete strangers! To my surprise, there were people there who had the same feelings I did, and offered ME support and empathy. Ok, so now what?

On the AFSP website I read every page I could about the Out of the Darkness Walk in Boston, and just felt that I should walk. I needed to begin my final stages of healing, once and for all.But would my family and friends support me? What about my husband? How was I going to raise the minimum requirement? How was I going to walk 18 miles in the dark? Fortunately, the support available to walkers is there – training schedules, how to fundraise, a personal fundraising page, and people available to help you meet your goals.

At Thanksgiving I approached my family, with my husband's support. We hadn't talked about Michael very much, and I was very nervous. I think they were shocked, and didn't quite know how to react, but by the next day, my mom asked more questions and was showing the seeds of support.

I registered in December. Wow. I was really going to do it. This journey would help me heal, help me move on, help me pull myself out from under my own old cloud of grief.

I shared my plans with my dear friend Amy. I was amazed when she said she would walk with me! And several weeks later, more friends said they wanted to walk also! I had never even imagined asking people to walk with me – I was prepared from the start to walk alone. Knowing that I had the support of several friends made me stronger and even more motivated. I am so grateful!

Newly Commited

In January I sent out my first donation request to a Memories group I created on Facebook for my brother. Within minutes, I received my first donation! Within a few days more people donated. I was so touched by their messages of support.

The training schedule provided much needed structure, and I began walking on January 25 – just five months from the Walk. I recruited a friend from work to train with me. Support comes in more forms than money! We bundled up and braved the cold a couple times a week. Walking with someone makes the walk go quicker, and our friendship has strengthened by spending more time together.

Walking with a friend or coworker gives me a chance to reconnect to people and to share my story. I am able to talk about my experience with my brother's suicide. Sharing the mission of the AFSP makes me feel good, like I am contributing to the efforts of many. After all, it was 21 years until I had heard of the AFSP, and I didn't want other people to have to wait so long.

Walking alone gives me time to reflect and reconnect with myself and my own feelings and emotions surrounding my loss. I think of my brother, of the unanswered questions I will always have, and what kind of man he would have been today. I am renewed in my efforts in walking, in large part because I want other people in crisis to know they have somewhere to turn, someone to talk to... something my brother seemingly was unable to do. Sometimes a specific memory is triggered, and sometimes I cry. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.

I've walked all over my neighborhood, around the neighborhood at work, at the gym, and even on vacation. My layers of self-consciousness are slowly unfolding, and I am beginning to recognize the progress I've made both physically and emotionally. It's been close to 20 years since I've jogged, and just a few weeks ago, I jogged! Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.

Physically walking gets easier. I know I can tackle four miles, six miles, “The Hill” at work, two hours on the treadmill. Emotionally it is bearable also. Knowing how many people support me gives me so much motivation too. Their support means they believe in me, in the AFSP, and in the need for greater resources available. I am obligated not only to myself, as I first thought, but to each person who has donated time, effort and friendship. I am grateful to everyone who is there for me during this journey, and try to let them all know how they are helping me, and more importantly how they are helping those in crisis or in need of AFSP's resources.

Fundraising

Initially, I was very nervous about being able to raise the minimum requirement. I've always shied away from asking people for money, so $1000 seemed like a huge goal! Again, I relied on the suggestions on the Out of the Darkness website for ideas, and have implemented the ones that make most sense for my personality.

I knew I'd be able to get support from my family, but not the minimum! So I reached out to a group I created online. It's a Memories group, and has over 120 members, all who knew my brother, of knew of him through me. I sent a message to all, and have received some support through there. I post progress reports, and am encouraged by the moral support from them too. To make my appeal more personal, I suggested donations of $16 - $1 for each year of Michael's life, or $21 - $1 for each year he's been gone. A few people responded in just that way! The messages that came through on my fundraising page were heartfelt and sincere, and touched me more than I could have ever imagined.

Going through my address book was another big task for me. Finally it was all gathered, my personal message was drafted (again, based on drafts from the Out of the Darkness website), and I pressed Send. Each donation that came in surprised me, in a very good way, and I began to see just how many people are affected by suicide. Every donation renews my efforts to train and to keep telling people about the Walk. One person forwarded my email to several of his contacts, and within a few days a $200 donation had come in – from a complete stranger! I was amazed. Over the next week, several more donations came in, and it was a flurry of excitement in my heart, with thank-yous, and scheduling more walk time.

I tried to think of creative, relevant ways to ask people for support. In one challenge, I pledged to walk one mile for every person who donated before the end of the week. Four people responded. Not as many as I'd hoped, but four people's support is better than none!

At work, we have a strict policy about soliciting fundraising events, but I still wanted to get the word out. A bake sale wasn't appealing to me... but I can make a mean pot of chili! I ran the idea past my boss, and she was on board right away. I would offer bowls of my homemade chili for a $5 donation. If people brought in a to-go container, they could buy more bowls.

Planning began. I'd offer chili, cornbread, cheese, sour cream and chips. Robin would make the cornbread and bring the fixins. I created sign up sheets with a brief statement of what I was fundraising for, including a picture of Michael and telling of my loss. I placed the sign up sheets in the lunchrooms, and within an hour, people were signing up. One of the first caught me in passing and began to share several stories of how he had been affected by suicide. With just one piece of paper, he shared so openly, and said how tragic it was! He feels that there isn't too much someone can do if they have their mind set on suicide, but truly supports my effort in the hopes that we CAN reach people before it's too late. His story was touching, and his expressions of condolence and support reinforced in my mind that I was doing the right thing.

More people signed up, and as they did, several came to me and shared sympathy and their own stories. I found it was a wonderful way to start a dialogue about why the AFSP and this Walk is so important to me. Plus, I got to say to several people, “Yeah, he really WAS a cutie.” And, “I'm walking so that hopefully, someone else is spared this kind of tragedy.”

By Chili Day Eve, about 40 bowls were pledged. My teammate Amy came over and helped me assemble all five crockpots, plus a spare bowl of ingredients. She took two home and turned them on at 5 a.m., and I turned two on at the same time. The other I would start later for the night shift. In the morning I stopped by her house, had four hot pots of chili infusing my car with spicy aroma, and brought them all into work. A few holdouts were bowled over by the smell wafting through the building, and were practically begging for a bowl! THIS is why I made extra!

We set everything out, and bowl by bowl, donations came in. One manager who had forgotten to sign up handed me some cash, refused a bowl, and said, “for the cause...” Another person asked for a second bowl. Some people gave extra cash, others refused change for a ten or even a twenty. Several times people commented on how they thought it was an important cause. Of course, I agreed whole-heartedly!

As a small token of thanks for those who had donated, I prepared a recipe card – my chili recipe on one side, and my story, with thanks for their support, on the other. I attached a packet of premixed chili spices to it also.

By the time Chili Day was over, my coworkers had donated $350! And this was all without being able to solicit. People told other people, or they saw the sign up sheet. Two friends did encourage people to sign up, and that helped a lot. Even after Chili Day, people sent money, and the final show of support was exactly $400.

I had timed the event for April 8, which historically is still great chili weather. Imagine my anxiety when it was forecast to be in the 80s! Regardless, people still signed up, or asked to buy a bowl, even if they had other lunch plans. How cool is that!

Before I left for the day I composed an email to my supporters. It came from the heart, truly. I am so humbled and proud to be working with such generous people, and wanted everyone to know that their support encourages me to keep training.

More Publicity

Another outlet to raise awareness was to submit an article to my company's newsletter. Using the template on the Out of the Darkness website, I filled in my information and my reasons for participating, and sent it to the editor. After a few logisitics questions, she wrote me a very touching personal email, expressing her condolences. Her display of kindness and concern touched me so immediately, tears came, and I had a good short little cry, right at me desk. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.

It was the first time in over 20 years that condolences had touched me so. I've opened myself up to feeling more deeply and to receiving expressions of support. For so many years, that part of me has been closed off. Now, I am beginning to feel as if the support is like a big pillow, and it's ok to fall and stumble, because I have this ever-expanding network of people who truly care and want to see me succeed. Knowing that makes it easier to put myself out there even more, and after one round of no responses from a media outlet press release, I am ready to resubmit, and follow up.

Today

As of today, I have walked 160 miles in training and raised almost $1800. I am gearing up for the trip to Boston. I keep track of my progress on a small whiteboard at work, and get excited each time I reach a new milestone. I wear my t-shirt proudly on most casual Fridays. I take people up on their offers to walk with me. I write. I see my own progress, I hug those who tell me their own story, and I look forward to being in Boston. Yep, right out there in the open, in broad daylight.

-Kati Gegg

The Bake-Sale Girl

2010-04-27T13:25:00.000-04:00

Hey Fellow Survivors,

My name is Ashley Fieseler, and I am a 21 year old girl passionate about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I work/help with this foundation in honor of my amazing Mom who took her life October 27th, 2005. I became very active with the foundation in January of 2009 by raising $1,000.00 dollars for the foundation and walking in the 18 mile walk in Chicago. When I first heard I had to raise $1,000.00 dollars I was nervous because it was a high goal. My coach at the time reassured me I could do it, and my great buddy Gayle cheered me on the whole way. Last year I raised over $2,000.00 dollars, over-exceeding my goal!

So now I’m in my second year, this time Boston, and I’ve got to admit the goal of raising $1,000.00 again makes me a little nervous. But I did a repeat of my last fundraisers by bringing back my big success of doing a bake-sale. I again asked all my friends and family to help me bake, because I’m not the best in the kitchen. I also asked parents at the day-care I work at to help make some bake-goods as well, and they all eagerly helped. So I set the date to February 16th, “Fat-Tuesday.” I had so many donations of bake-goods from my friends, family and parents that I crossed my fingers to sell them all.Some people gave me some odd looks as I was doing the bake-sale at my work, a YMCA. Many people passed on the delicious bake-goods, but still donated. I talked to so many great people about their life stories and how they them-selves have either been suicidal or have lost a loved one to suicide. It was a great feeling to let the people know that there is help out there. Of course I had some great little helpers from the day-care, their smiles sold a lot of bake-goods. One little girl even tried to sell my poster! And I couldn’t have made it through the exhausting day without my amazing boyfriend Tim. It was really hard at times to speak about my mother because it brought back many memories, but I remembered it was for her and me. There were also great moments of laughter, and encouragement.

At the end of an exhausting day, we did the official count, and we raised $650.00 dollars for the foundation! All of this was possible by just asking people for help, it was a rejuvenating experience. I was again made aware of how willing people are to help, all you have to do is ask.

I hope you all have great experiences in raising money for either yourself or your loved one. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of my amazing Mom. And I am glad that this foundation is here to help others like my mother, before it is too late. Thank-you all for checking out my story! To check-out more and follow my many more fundraisers go to www.ashleyfieseler.com

Your Survivor Buddy,

-Ashley

Overnight Walkers in the News

2010-04-15T14:45:00.000-04:00

Each year, several our participants utilize our Hometown Press Release to share their stories and help spread awareness in their communities. Here's just a small sample of what has been published so far:

Tari Atheron's story in the Orland Park Prairie and the Braidwood Journal.

Laurie Chester's story in the Newburyport News

Diane Welch's story in the Woburn Wicked Local

**Don't forget to check out our blogroll to the left of the page to see which Overnight Walkers we're following and stay up to date with their stories and progress**

For Lily, With Love and Hope

2010-04-05T11:50:00.000-04:00

Spring has sprung...

FINALLY, spring weather has arrived here in New Jersey and I am able to start training in earnest for the Overnight. This will be my third AFSP Overnight Walk--2007, 2008, and now 2010. Training is an exhausting, time-consuming, sometimes uncomfortable yet exhilarating experience during which you learn a lot about your stamina and your determination--not to mention how to soothe a host of aches and pains. In the past, I have trained in spring weather that was so unseasonably cold I had to dress as if I were going on a ski trip. On the other hand, during the 2008 Overnight itself, it was so hot and humid in NY that I could not keep my glasses on my nose--they kept sliding off! In future posts, I will regale you with stories about my training walks if I think you may find them amusing or interesting and hopefully pass on some tips to any first-timers out there.

But since this is my first posting to this blog, today I want to talk about what motivates me to participate in the Overnight. In the past I have walked in memory of my son Justin's friend, Lily Diana Karian, who died by suicide on December 12, 2006. Our team is called, appropriately, Walk for Lily. Lily had turned 19 that October and was barely three months into her freshman year at Tufts University. I will tell you more about Lily in later posts; she was a remarkable young woman and people should know about her and what the world lost with her passing. Participating in the Overnight in Boston this year will be especially poignant. Tufts University--from which Lily would be graduating in May had she not died--is located in Medford, a suburb located just a few miles outside of Boston. Lily grew up in Sudbury, a beautiful town located about a half hour outside of Boston. Because of the location, we hope to have a large team of Lily's friends, people from her church, and family who might not be able to participate if the Overnight were held in a more distant city. So in some sense I feel that this is Lily's special Walk.

This year, unfortunately, I am walking not just for Lily but for others as well. My younger son, Brian, attends Cornell University. During this school year, an unfathomable SIX Cornell students have chosen to end their lives by suicide. During one week in March two young men died, one on a Thursday and one the very next day, barely 24 hours later. The devastation wrought by such losses is beyond words.

Right now we have the tools to help many--but not all--individuals facing depression or other mental disorders, including those contemplating suicide. We need more research, and we need more outreach so that people who are suffering know that help is available and--even more importantly--know that there is no shame in seeking such help. Mental illness is an insidious disease, one that still carries a stigma. Many people don't think it's "real," that those afflicted should just "snap out of it" or "stop feeling sorry for themselves." But in fact NO ONE is immune from its devastation. As the President of Cornell University, Dr. David J. Skorton, has repeatedly told students over these last few painful weeks, "If you learn anything at Cornell, please learn to ask for help." This bears repeating, and you should repeat this mantra to anyone who you think may be suffering from mental or emotional turmoil: PLEASE ASK FOR HELP!!

If traipsing around Boston for a night in June will raise money to support research and outreach that will save the life of even one person, prevent heartache for even one family, I believe I will have done something worthwhile. That is why I walk. I hope many of you reading this will join me on my journey in whatever way feels right for you.

-Rhonda Silver, team captain of Walk for Lily

Donna's Story featured on Staten Island News Site

2010-03-10T14:40:00.000-05:00

Please follow the link below to read the feature article written about walker Donna Schettina as she prepares for her 4th consecutive Overnight walk this year.

http://blog.silive.com/inside_out_column/2010/03/billys_aunt_to_walk_through_the_night_in_his_memory.html

Kristin's Story

2010-02-22T10:05:00.000-05:00

My name is Kristin Quigley. I am the captain of the Tommy Fuss Team. In November of 2006, I lost my 17 year old cousin, Tommy Fuss, to suicide. I will never forget that night. How I was told by my mom. And how I couldn’t even utter the words myself, that Tommy was gone. All of our lives changed that day in so many ways.

This tragedy struck me particularly hard due to my own mental illness. I have suffered from bipolar disorder for many years. It has been and will continue to be a lifelong struggle. However, I have my illness under control right now and am doing excellent. But to this day, I wonder if I could have helped Tommy more by sharing with him my story. How much I struggled in those “dark” years before my diagnosis and treatment. I know what it feels like to feel helpless and powerless. But I also know what it feels like to be in a good place, like I am now! To this day, I wished I had shared that with Tommy, and I will always regret that.

A few months after we lost Tommy, I heard about this walk on the radio. I really didn’t think twice and just decided I was going to do it. I needed to do it, for Tommy, my family, myself, and others still suffering. I was a little nervous though, because no one would walk with me! I asked all of my friends and everyone laughed and said, “20 miles, you’re crazy!” When my Aunt RoseMary (Tommy’s mother) found out about it, she jumped right on board and I was a little surprised! But now, we’ve never looked back! Our team has grown exponentially from walkers to crew! I am so proud!

Once I decided to do the walk and I signed up, it was time to post my fundraising page. I knew that if I was going to do this walk, I needed to share my story. And I did. I sat down one day and typed out my story, took a deep breath, and pressed save. And there it was for the world to see. I was afraid of what reactions I might get from people. I hadn’t told very many people my story for fear of being judged or looked at differently. But I knew my entire purpose of this walk was to encourage people to get help and not be afraid to come forward…so I certainly couldn’t keep quiet any longer. I already regretting not talking to Tommy, my hope was that sharing my story may save someone else from the pain too many of us suffer in silence from. As I always say…We can’t fight something that we keep in the dark! We must bring the issues of mental illness and suicide out of the darkness and into the light or nothing can ever change!

Before the walk, very few people knew my story, but now, just about everyone I knew was going to find out. And to my surprise, the reaction I received was overwhelmingly positive. I got so many hugs, tears and thank yous and many from people I would have never expected. There were a lot of people who were surprised to hear that I suffered from bipolar disorder. And it was good for them to realize that someone like me who was successful and generally happy suffers from a mental illness and is now doing well! I AM the face of mental illness and I am NOT someone to be afraid of!

I had one friend, who I went to high school with and knew me before and after diagnosis and treatment, say to me, “when did you go on medication and start getting treatment?” When I told her she immediately said she could tell the difference and just didn’t know why I had changed! That is what I hope people will see from me; that you don’t have to suffer. It is not your destiny to not get well. You can get help and can be happy again. When I was in my darkest times, I never thought I’d be where I am today! (And I think many who knew me didn’t think so either!) I want others to realize…that it is possible! I know I certainly did not think it was. But I was one of the lucky ones.

Next came the fundraising. I sent out a letter of my story to literally almost everyone I knew (and emailed my fundraising page to everyone else). At first I thought I was never going to make it to $1,000! I remember crying to my mom about it one night. Well, boy was I wrong. I personally raised more than $5,000 that first year! I was shocked! Of course, a lot of it was from family who were donating in memory of Tommy, but I think many people were so touched by my honesty in sharing my story.

This walk had given me some peace and some closure to the loss of my dear cousin and to my own struggles. I will never be over losing Tommy and I will never be the same person. But this walk has given me some meaning to it all. I am the type of person who needs to find the good out of everything. And trust me; I thought there would be nothing good to come out of losing my cousin. But at least maybe we are changing some lives and saving some others from living with the pain of a mental illness. Hopefully we have created dialogue between friends and families. Maybe some people are now more open to mental illness and are not so judgmental making it easier for loved ones to come forward to get help.

Now we are walking with so many of Tommy’s close friends and it is such a beautiful tribute to the kind of friend Tommy was. My mom crews each year and her cousin and my brother have joined her. It is great to see familiar faces on the route! Tommy’s brother walks with us as well as other friends who are so supportive of the cause. This year is very special to us. My Aunt RoseMary, Tommy and family are from right outside of Boston. We are expecting a large team of walkers and crew this year and an even bigger send off at the opening ceremonies! A far cry from not having anyone to walk with!

Thank you to everyone who has helped and supported the Tommy Fuss Team in any way. And thank you to Aunt RoseMary and the Tommy Fuss Team for helping my dreams come true. Having this team behind me means more to me than you will ever know! Tommy must be so proud! See you in Boston!!!

"If I had to sum up what these Walks mean to me, it would be..."

2010-02-19T17:02:00.000-05:00

"These Walks have allowed us to improve the life of others which has contributed greatly to helping us put some of the shattered pieces back to together in our own lives and brings enormous healing one day at a time. Additionally, we just want to say that anytime you are showing love and compassion to others you are in fact doing what counts most during lifes journey and by doing these walks it allows us to light a candle so others can walk Out of the darkness. This means more to us that you will ever know. Thank-you."

-Raymond Burke

Raymond and his wife, Mary Anne, have participated in every single Overnight Walk since the first one in Washington, DC, 2002. They are the team leaders of "Miles for the Military" and always welcome solo walkers to their team.

Shonna's Experience

2010-02-16T13:09:00.000-05:00

Shonna Sommer walked with us in Chicago in 2009 and is returning to the Overnight for the 2010 Boston walk. Below is the newsletter she sent to all of her supporters last year to share her story and Overnight experience.

Dani's Experience

2010-02-11T14:28:00.000-05:00

Dani Kaslow walked her first Overnight in Chicago 2009 and quickly embraced the Overnight community, leading a team and holding several training walks. Shortly after signing up to walk in Boston this summer, she emailed us the Smilebox presentation that she made after the Chicago Walk:

Make a Smilebox slideshow

You can also follow Dani's Overnight journey on her personal blog: http://www.overnightwalker.com/

The Overnight Experience

2010-02-11T13:50:00.000-05:00

The Out of the Darkness Overnight is an 18-mile journey through the night, from dusk until dawn. It's a unique opportunity to bring the issues of depression and suicide into the light as we walk together to turn heartbreak into hope for tomorrow.
We will begin at approximately 7:00 pm on Saturday evening with a short, reflective and motivating Opening Ceremony framed by the setting sun. As the Overnight community comes together as a group for the first time, you can't help but be swept up in the excitement and anticipation as everyone prepares to start their extraordinary journey.

While remembering loved ones lost to suicide and those still suffering, we'll also acknowledge the sense of hope and determination inherent in this event and its participants. The community that took shape during your event preparations will grow and strengthen from this point on, providing inspiration for everyone involved.

After the Opening Ceremony, you'll set off on your walk with Crew members, volunteers and your friends and family there to support you. You walk at your own pace on a carefully planned and clearly marked route. You'll walk the distance that is right for you. If you get tired or need help of any kind, we have vehicles continually patrolling the route - so you can be picked up and brought to the next Rest Stop or to the Midnight Meal. There will be Rest Stops approximately every 2 miles keeping you fueled and hydrated with plenty of water, sports drink, and snacks (Port-A-Potties, too!). Medical support is also available.
Walking through the night among so many others united by a common goal will give you an entirely different perspective of Boston. Throughout the event, you'll feel safe and cared-for in a place where everyone supports each other and understands their need to be there. It's a place to cry, laugh, mourn, remember, heal, and look toward the future without forgetting the past.

Upon completing the route, everyone will gather back at the Ceremonies site on Sunday morning. Sweep vehicles will continue patrolling the route and can bring you all the way to the site of the Closing Ceremony if needed, to make sure you get there in time.

Starting at 5:00 am, the Closing Ceremony completes the event with a celebration of community and a reinforcement of your accomplishments. Imagine standing in the crowd amongst so many who have together completed this tremendous journey. Each has their own reasons, thoughts and memories, yet collectively you've all made a loud, proud statement that suicide and depression can and will be brought out of the darkness. You'll be so gratified to feel that you've been an integral part of something so important, and you've done it not only for yourself, but also for your loved ones, for survivors of suicide loss and for all those affected by suicide and depression. You'll be joined by family, friends, the media and guests who recognize the enormity the event. The feeling will stay with you long after the walk has ended.

Follow our blog to experience The Overnight through the words, photos, and videos of our participants, past and present.

Experience the Overnight Video: